Some Heal Well.
Thanks to some pretty amazing souls gifting medicines for others to stumble upon in their own unique ways out there in the world, my heart is catching up with my soul’s own pace for healing. It’s taken longer than I wanted it to, but I understand it’s because I have to feel into the depths of everything completely.
We live in a world where it’s far more beneficial after all to be fiercely guarded than it is to be authentically soul open. Being even fractionally open moreso brought me tears consistently and love perhaps only illusorily. Summating such a thing in that most of those I loved each fell out of my life for my refusal to accept mask, take sides, or jump into a box. Sovereignty of heart and mind, I’ve learned, can be very costly. Alignment, aside from with the numinous nature of the cosmos and earth, I don’t much know what to make of it anymore.
How I used to love rather openly, but love was anything but what life delivered me in experiences locally and mundanely. Ostracization for wonder and awe and dreams for balance is more what met me.
Needless to say, I’ve adjusted my reality.
In that, I’ve learned the scope of implications around this now. Nothing hovers as surface for me. Maybe some frequencies indeed tried to erase, carve out, and hurt the likes of me lastingly, but maybe also I was precisely where I needed to be. Certainly have I overcome vast depths of naivete.
With all this heightened sensitivity honed in through celestial training of sorts, I can feel those very strings in cosmic strumming fields before they ever make themselves depth visible. Truthfully, I’ve always been a fan of underdogs. Maybe I’ve become one. Maybe it always was that I was one. Maybe I’m right on time then.
Gloriously and inconveniently.
That I probe in the ways that I do, more internally than even I expose with the external, it’s not from a place of lack but coming into the richness of understanding just how much we each have within us. In many ways, the whole of the world at present, we all come from lands of broken dreams.
Are we ready, however, for the breakings of all to be overcome? That is more a question I am interested in open-endedly asking.
Personally, I’m fucking over it.
For all that some could say I did or do alone, I would never say I’ve overcome anything alone. Not anything. Not truly. None of us do really. I’ve been saying as a mantra in my life we’re not alone for a long time now. In a very non-human, Source based, and animistic sense. I’ve always known this.
Beyond that too, you’d have to understand peculiarities of my sensitivity and magic to understand the human relevance of how frequencies meet me without meeting me. Something sitting up all night in a tipi showed me. And a few other experiences in reflection hindsight and since.
We all have our own gifts. I’m simply expressing with care small tidbits of my own. Perhaps it will help another tap more honestly into something likewise more mystical leaning of theirs. If nowhere else but within their own self. For as much as I am ruthlessly honest about my living reality of being mostly alone, I also know I am never alone.
Existence does not work that way.
I’ve learned it’s not about peace for me. Perhaps it once was. Maybe more is it about breakthrough. Opening. Clearing. The creative, lover, and fighter in me all persisting resiliently towards finding where it is they can meet in harmony. I don’t want to cut anything out of me. I wouldn’t call it peace precisely. More like honoring some semblance of symphony. Divine tensioning for balance.
So very Celtic of me, isn’t it?
Something I’m very happy to say puts a smile on my face. That I even see the world that way. How it is I do. Something I have paid for in my very own personal unfathomable blood, sweat, and tears to hold unshakable trust in.
I have lost and endured more than most will ever have glimpse into or could survive, but therein may be the magic too underneath it all. Maybe the very purpose for all my suffering over the course of the last decade.
The notion of bending or breaking doesn’t really have relevance over me.
Cosmically indestructible is more what comes to mind. Tested and renewed through sensing into too many times under pressures of celestial combustion. What it was the universe also led me to shoulder through it. The beauty I could never have foreseen is in that I can now behold it in an earth grounding and sky sense. Nature and soul, both at the same time.
To know what it is that cannot be cut out, burned up, or taken out of me in very much a heritage and celestial belonging sense. I understand differently now so many that labor and align frequencies to tear down in culture or heritages others or their own selves so aggressively. Those that dream to break down everyone and everything into either nonexistence or oneness and sameness, there is a bit of longing I now feel within them for returning to that very kind of inner trusting and knowing personally. Perhaps it’s time for those shadows to be seen for what they are. I certainly feel now mostly sorrow within such lack or ceding.
My inner warrior, lover, and creative are learning to love all that I am.
This Celtic holding. How I could frame it more specifically in a present-day European sense, and vastly more universally too. Yet, I understand myself in spiral as well, and it is where I choose to hold and cherish in betweenness. A line I hold effortlessly now. But more than anything, without apology for having been gifted the courage to behold it in the ways that I do and will come to aloud.
It’s okay if the world sees not your gifts, just as they richen. Not everyone gets to know or see the holism that makes us who it is we are.
Be thankful for the ones who do or will.
