Our Hearts Lead Us Home

Not just mine, but the nature of the heart ecology of the north to begin with. Directionally speaking. Though I can reflect upon that as I also accept my obvious distance. That it is me that somewhat does not fit in with it.

Asking that only in that I don’t really fit in anywhere. At least that is what life has shown me to be. All my shadows somewhat following me. From a gutting of life I could not have foreseen. But maybe I needed to see. In that it brought all my shadows right to the surface. My own shadows are what have alienated me, but so too has my light. Amplified and exaggerated and left on my own ultimately to sort out illusion from magic and madness from sanity. Finding for my own self where wonder and magic and sanity meet within me.

In process, my very heart too teaches me the nature of how to return to my own heart adherence in so many more subtle ways than this. From the mundane to the mystical. Finding alignment across it all. That layered existence is ever a part of it. As do the hearts of others teach me too, that have walked different roads of their own before me.

I used to write poetry of sensing some nature of eternal shooting star. I understand now differently, what it was that flow was whispering to me about. Maybe a few found or will find their way because of me being so open with embracing my suck so many steps along the way. Who am I to say?

What I do know is I’m not interested in being hurt consciously anymore. I’m not interested in being a doormat for foreign wars. From what amounts to individual internal battles of others but also scaled outwardly. How long has that been part and parcel of the cycle? Longer than we know likely. Seeing the messes that have been made in the world in the decades and centuries and millennias leading up to our own.

What if we’re on the cusp of it being somehow turned around though?

What if we’re on the cusp of everyone owning their own shadows?

What if it is largely what has been going on?

I for one know I’m becoming comfortable with mine. Befriending myself as my own worst enemy. Including those shades less obvious to grapple with. This northern heart and its inclination for mending and forgiveness. The very nature of the ecology of a heart of renewal. Something that has always been integral for living in the north. Heart energy holding out for days of return for renewal itself.

In part, I know my heart has purpose with forgiveness in this lifetime. That it is something the whole of my life has been forging me through as though preparation for something. Since as young as I can remember. Forgiveness of myself, yes, but much more than this. In degrees of relation with all that’s been. That we are here to heal and mend severings of many kinds. Ancestral tending’s ever a central part of it. That holism in identities necessitates this. For everyone. Not just some.

How many times can the heart be burned in the same way though? How many times should a heart tolerate too much before it simply must face its own reflection in shadow with it? That not everybody else has the best of intentions for us. But also, not kidding one’s self that some do. Maybe even some who we don’t think that do. And some may have without meaning to. Some may have through something they themselves don’t quite understand.

What if there are some of those hard knock lessons in it for everyone?

What if no one gets out clean without some of them? Those lessons that is.

What if we all have to face them at the same time?

I’ve seen this in my personal work, so of course it scales as well. Pretty much everything about my life and that which flows through me has so far. Too eerily so in moments. Helping me better sense and lean into uncomfortable things I’d have not found clarity through without it working in such a deeply personal way.

To question of these cycles for only tearing down, when will they stop? Have we not had enough? Has humanity not had enough tearing down? Must we, must humanity as tree, be reduced to nothing before they end? Do we really think that lowly of ourselves or one another?

Before haters in some competition I am not in can make illusion to skip and bypass ten steps ahead for coming at me, it is about heritage and culture and less any nitty gritty system specifically. It is in the larger systems that connect everything.

When is redemption in the minds of the louder and more fear driven powerful fulfilled, and when then are self-love and compassion once more allowed to prevail? Culturally, and in heritages. Not for some select few, but for all. When can redemption be about balance again?

That to love our self’s, and stand up for our self’s, when can we overcome diminishment to acknowledge that to do so is not hateful nor to stand against any other(s)? When can we as those with European heritages specifically move like that, like this? The sum of any of it means nothing without this. What if we went further to comprehend it may in fact be the very means for how we stand in integrity with others too? Is that not what every indigenous population the world over that came into conflict with the violence of globalization taking over too tried to say? Including heritages of Europe for longer than most care to allow room to be stated.

When will integration of collective consciousness recognize that micro sins of the past judged through the lenses of today’s growth and interconnectivity were neither collective in their time, nor is there much room for them to have any grounds in times as connected as we live in? When can we acknowledge there was authenticity and once underlying intent for self-love and love of heritages to never have been misrepresented across time as hateful, therein growing as a fallout and side effect into the magnitudes of unwellness more recently observed leading into modernity?

Is the nature of any whole misunderstood so little that fear of clinging to the old as excuse for self-negation as all defining outweighs release into making way for all that is beautiful about humanity and diversity to make room and alas take over? Is it only ever going to be talk of it, or are humans ready for actions to match the words of the many?

When can the north in a true direction sense, which is for me to say Europe, I get it can be seen as problematic, but mass migration of the last decade alone is ample call for it, stop pretending itself unworthy to sit around the fire as Creator intended us to be?

Desert Reflections. With awareness of all the mess that’s been. That our very own severings and displacements have caused. With all the mess that still is. That severings and displacements of others too have caused. When will I as an undeniable descendent of Europe have more right of return over entry access for immigrants from any other part of the world?

Has America taught us nothing when it comes to large influxes of migrant populations? A handful alone will assimilate or dissipate. Large numbers do not. They replace. They displace. The world over, it is this way.

When can upheavals cease and honesty and renewal for everyone begin? Or maybe it already has already. And if that is not untrue, when can we be honest about it all? Can we stop pretending we don’t in heritages matter in this all? That the very tree of life necessitates the multitude of diversities of Europe to too prioritize their own needs. Must it always be only held in silence? Or is it just me with all my inconvenient notes that Turtle Island has awoke within me?